Saturday, July 8, 2006

The Classics: This is what my husband says to me

Today started unusually. I typed the entry on the M.o.D. and the M.o.M. and then went outside to check the garden (drat, still have to do that). As I went out onto the deck I hear #4's name being called from the back fence line. All of my BrownHeads are inside. There are neighborhood boys playing in the thicket of grapevine that is beyond our property line.

It all started a couple of days ago. These boys were playing on the other side of our fence line and calling my boys names. My boys retaliated by squirting them with squirt guns. The other boys retaliated by throwing sticks. They learned the name of #4 and have been calling him to the back fence line to throw sticks at him. At a 2 year old. That is what they were doing this morning. They were calling his name to throw sticks at him. The kids had not been outside yet this morning so there was no reason to continue this little skirmish. Feeling my MamaBear claws come out I go inside, tell DH that I am taking a ride. I take #4 with me.

I get into the small car. It doesn't start. It makes that funny clicking nose. DH tells me to open the hood. As I look at the hood I see the distinctive footprints of #1 on the hood. DH jumps the car, the car starts and I am off. I drive over to the place where the thicket is. (Our yard backs up to our neighbors side yard and the only way to get to it is to hop the fence or go on a major street.) The boys are there. I asked them who was calling the name of my #4. Apparently I am hearing things in my senile middle age and no one said anything.

So, I then asked them if they knew who #4 was? No, they didn't know. I had #4 on my hip. He was sucking a binky and in his footy pajammies. I told the boys, "This is the person you are calling. He is 2. If you hurt him I will be calling your parents and the police. If you throw sticks at him you are being bullies."

I then get the response, "well one of those other boys, he was squirting pee on me. He peed in a squirt gun and he squirted it at me." I told them that was information I had to have and I would deal with it. But do not hurt a baby.

I visit with my neighbors and head home.

I get home and start questioning my sons.
How did it start? They were calling us names
Did you squirt them? Yes
Did you throw sticks? No, they threw sticks at us
The moment had arrived--Did you squirt pee on them? sheepish Yes. And #1 points to #2.

DH and I are floored.

If anyone in the family would have done this it would normally #1. His lapses in judgment are well known in our household.

Stifling the giggle, I ask the all important question. How? Did you pee into that little hole of the squirt gun?

He used a 1 inch syringe that he and his friend were using in a water fight. Apparently, he peed into a bowl from the sandbox, sucked it up from the bowl and squirted it at the boys across the fence.

I had to walk away. I was starting to laugh too hard.

DH and I discuss it. We hand out the punishment and start working on the housework.

#1 was given the privilege of washing the car since his footprints were all over the hood. DH goes out and finds him washing the car with the windows down. #1 says, "But I only got a little bit of water in the car."

He comes in and says, "Some days I think our kids are really smart. Other days...." he says with a huge grin on his face.

yep, squirting pee on the neighborhood kids and washing the car with the windows down-those brilliant boys.

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The days are so different. Instead of mess and homeschool teaching I have a DH working from home and quiet until 2:54 when #6 (who is 10)...