This weekend I had the wonderful privilege of leaving my home sleeping, shopping, eating whatever I wanted (within reason-and german chocolate cake was within reason) and doing it with a friend.
Like every mom, there are seasons in my life I have more concerns about my role as a wife and mother. You know the questions and statements that go through your mind-is it really making a difference? someone else could do this so much better. why can't I have enough discipline to get things going first thing in the morning? should I send them to school? are they socially well-adjusted? are they excelling academically? or just holding to the grade level they are supposed to be? am I just insane? why can't you be more like ....? you are just not the fun mom.
I was getting discouraged.
It is hard not to get discouraged when you are constantly bombarded with questions about socialization, academic (are they really reading well? how do you really know? don't you have them tested? you mean the state doesn't monitor what you are teaching?) (any that I missed?), the children's personality quirks and the constant questioning of myself of if they are doing enough (maybe they should be in tae kwon doe? art lessons? piano? violin? Lego league? OM? Scouts?).
Then there are the regular logistics of running a family. Keeping a house with all these BrownHeads in order, relatively clean and a place where we like to be. And food. Must not forget food. Or laundry.
DH was on the phone this weekend talking with a brother at church. The brother wanted him to do something and DH had to respond that he couldn't. He had all the kids and I was out of town. You know that built-in babysitter? She was out of town. The man just grumbled, "You just need to put those kids in school."
Apparently, in his mind the whole idea of homeschooling is my idea. My DH has nothing to say about it? To be honest, DH has held to homeschooling more than I have in the last year. I was ready to enroll them a few times this past year. I guess I should put it out to the masses or make a t-shirt for us to wear to the next field trip that says, "We prayed about homeschooling. God wants us to do it." The back could read, "Yes, you read right, God." or "yes, we pray in our school." Maybe I should rent a blimp for the next major sporting event.
I recently have been trying to grow spiritually. I need the peace. I have been reading scriptures and talks given by the prophets and leadership of the church. The Holy Ghost whispered to me right before I left on Friday, "print out all the talks by Sheri Dew." I did. I read two wonderful talks by her over the weekend. I found the answers to my prayers in these talks.
The one that struck me the most was entitled This is a Test. It is Only a Test
From the talk:
It is only a test—meaning, that's all it is. Nothing more, but nothing less. It is a test of many things—of our convictions and priorities, our faith and our faithfulness, our patience and our resilience, and in the end, our ultimate desires. In the long run, as Alma taught, whatever we truly desire, we will have. "I know that [God] granteth unto men according to their desire . . . ; yea, I know that he allotteth unto men . . . according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction" (Alma 29:4).
The firmer our faith in Jesus Christ, the clearer our vision of ourselves and what we can ultimately achieve and become.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish," Solomon proclaimed (Proverbs 29:18).
And perhaps nothing is more vital today than having a vision, manifest by the Spirit, of who we are and what we can become, of our intrinsic value to the Lord, and of the unparalleled role we must play in these latter days. We are literally the offspring of God, his begotten sons and daughters, with the potential of exaltation (Acts 17:29; D&C 76:24). "The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ" (Romans 8:16-17).
But how do we get a clear vision of who we are? How do we gain an eternal perspective compelling enough to move us to action and to govern our choices and priorities? From whence cometh the vision?
Light is a key to vision! And Jesus Christ is the ultimate Light, the "light which shineth in darkness" (D&C 6:21), the light which chases "darkness from among [us]" (D&C 50:25). Faith in Jesus Christ is the key to vision, to seeing ourselves as the Lord sees us. So to improve our vision, we must increase our faith in and connection to the Savior.
Why is it vital that we as LDS women have a clear vision of who we are and what we are about and have a bedrock faith in the Lord Jesus Christ?
Sister Patricia Holland said something that I find profound: "If I were Satan and wanted to destroy a society, I think I too would stage a full-blown blitz on women" ("‘Many Things . . . One Thing,'" A Heritage of Faith: Talks Selected from the BYU Women's Conferences [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1988], 17).
Satan wants us neutralized, because he knows that the influence of a righteous woman can span generations.
See if any of the following techniques sound familiar.
1. Satan tries to blur our vision of why we're here and get us preoccupied with this life. He would have us distracted by and involved in anything and everything except what we came for.
2. He wants us to feel insignificant—that no matter how hard we try, we'll never make much of a difference. Oh, sure, our work is necessary but not very important. This is a big fat lie. It is a diversion designed to keep us so focused on any perceived injustices that we completely overlook the opportunities and privileges that are ours, that we underestimate the vital nature of our contribution, and that we never come to understand the power we have to change lives.
Elder Henry D. Moyle said: "I have a conviction deep down in my heart that we are exactly what we should be, each one of us. . . . I have convinced myself that we all have those peculiar attributes, characteristics, and abilities which are essential for us to possess in order that we may fulfil the full purpose of our creation here upon the earth. . . .
" . . . that allotment which has come to us from God is a sacred allotment. It is something of which we should be proud, each one of us in our own right, and not wish that we had somebody else's allotment. Our greatest success comes from being ourselves" (Improvement Era, December 1952, 934).
3. Satan tries to wear us down by creating the image that there is nothing glamorous in enduring to the end.
4. The adversary encourages us to judge and evaluate each other—a practice that is demeaning to both the person who judges and the one who is judged.
5. Lucifer whispers that life's not fair and that if the gospel were true we would never have problems or disappointments.
6. The adversary attempts to numb us into accepting a sliding scale of morality.
7. The adversary promotes feelings of guilt—about anything. Pick a topic. You can feel guilty for having a large family—how can any one woman possibly care for eight or nine children? Or for having no children at all—you're not doing your duty. For working outside the home—don't you know what the prophet has said about mothers who seek employment. Or for choosing to stay home—what's the matter, no ambition?
Guilt does not originate with the Savior, who invites us to step to a higher way of living and a more ennobling way of thinking, to do a little better and perhaps a little more. Promptings that come from him are hopeful and motivating rather than defeating or discouraging.
8. Lucifer works hard to undermine our innate tendency to nurture and care for others. His object is to get us so busy and caught up in the "thick of thin things" that we don't have time for each other.
9. The adversary would have us hung up on perfection and stymied by the commandment to become perfect.
10. Lucifer would have us so busy—with family, friends, careers, and every soccer league in town—that there's no time to live the gospel. No time to fast and pray, to immerse ourselves in the scriptures, to worship in the temple—all the things we need to do to "study" for our mortal test. In other words, he wants us to be a little more concerned with the world than with the gospel, a little more interested in life today than in life forever.
11. He delights in portraying religion as something restrictive and austere rather than liberating and life-giving.
This talk helped me. It gave me peace.
And just for all those people who question me and DH-I am working on a really zingy comeback. So, POSITIVE messages is all I want. Got that Grannies? POSITIVE messages? Got that grumpy guy at church? POSITIVE.
*Stay at Home Homeschooling Mama
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